Sorry for the lack of posts, my Internet connection has been pretty limited. I wish I could tell you there has been all kinds of exciting stories and emotional highs since I've been here, but it's been pretty lacking. I work 40 hours a week, so I don't get to do a whole lot outside of that and I've begun to realize this really is not what I want. The Delta Cultural Center is great, and I appreciate this opportunity, but I'm desperate to be outside and playing with the kids. I came thinking that this internship would be my ticket into moving to Helena permanently, but I really don't know that's what I'm supposed to do, or how I'm supposed to do it. I feel like it's back to square one and searching for the God to reveal the next step. If He introduced to a beautiful place such as this, I'm sure His next move will be something equally wonderful.

Another school year complete, and I'm back in my favorite place. This time I am interning with the Delta Cultural Center, and I'm really loving it. They put me up in a really nice apartment that belonged to the old director before he moved jobs. It's unfurnished, but such a nice place I feel like I'm in bachelor pad or something. It's only been a few days so I dont know what all is planned, but I am so excited for what might happen this summer.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

Last day of work in Helena today. Have I mentioned I don't want to go home? I'm gonna say it again: I do not want to leave. Unfortunately, that isn't really an option so I will instead enjoy my last weekend in Helena. Anyway, for the past 5 weeks, one of the interns has been training a swim team and we all went to Memphis today to do a meet at a YMCA. First we brought the kids to an Incredible Pizza with a huge buffet and all kinds of arcade games. They all disappeared as soon as we set them free, but I would randomly see a kid running by with a smile on his or her face so I think it worked out just fine. When we got ready to go, another intern and I put our tickets together with one of the children and ended up with over 780 tickets! It's strange how thrilled I would have been with that when I was child, but now it just makes me laugh.

Anyway, once we got all the kids rounded up we headed out to the Y for the meet. There was so much energy in the air and so many children! We got through one boys and one girls freestyle relay and won first in both of them! Unfortunately, after that, a storm began so we were sent it to wait it out. As we waited we prayed together and on our own, hoping for a chance to continue the meet. After the required half hour passed we gathered around the pool again and the storm began again. All the kids were really disappointed, but the song "Praise You in this Storm" kept popping in my head so I decided to accept and encourage the kids to celebrate the fun they had had thus far and be happy for what they had accomplished. I'm not saying it worked, but I really did try.

Overall it was an amazing day, and I'm glad I got to chance to just hang out with the kids all day long and help treat them to a day where they got to do things that wouldn't typically get to do. Perhaps it's better that we need to do a mini-meet in Helena now since we may be able to get more community involvement, or at least from parents. This was a wonderful end to my summer, even if I don't want it to be the end.

After writing very little these past couple of months, I am suddenly very much in the mood to blog as much as possible. Unfortunately, I have had the weekend off so there really isn't much to say about what's going on in Helena. Instead, you get to hear plans and questions of the future! Yay! Well, first off, I have only one week left in Helena. I'm not sure what all is planned except for sorting all the random things lying around from the ACC and packing them up for next year. Last summer we also spent some time prepping for Delta Christmas, so we may do that again. I'm really hoping I'll get a chance to go to Lakeview and Elaine again as well. I didn't get to finish cataloging my library in Elaine, but I did get a chance to teach the people who run it how to catalog, so at least I know it can be done. The center is finally coming together and I am so excited to come back next summer to see how it has progressed.

Which reminds me, I do have something to tell you! The mission project we were doing this past summer was to raise money for the Arkansas Rice Depot which runs a backpack program for kids to eat during the school year. They have promised that all the money we donate them will go directly to schools in Phillips County to feed the children here. Anyway, this program started because a nurse realized a lot of the children acting out in her school were doing so because they were hungry. With that story in mind, I've been working all summer with these children. Well, this past week, one of our most well-behaved children wasn't listening to anything we said. It's not that he was behaving badly, but when we asked everyone to sit he just stood there with a glazed look on his face. At first I thought it was just because of the heat, but things started to click in my head. He and his family get sick all the time. This summer and last there would be multiple times when he wouldn't come out to play because he was sick, or if he did come, he was sluggish and had glazed eyes. Also, he was one of the kids that always asked for an extra snack, even though he knew our policy was not to. I began to feel sick myself as I finally understood how much this child has gone through.

Even worse, this is the child that has been a huge influence on me the entire time I knew him. I mean it when I say this child is well-behaved. He is polite, loving, kind, and respectful. He is willing to stand up for God and doesn't allow anyone to mistreat others. Last summer, one of the kids stole our basketball, and the next time came we came, this child handed it over to us quietly before joining the others. In short, he is an amazing boy and I can't stand to think of the environment he lives in and how it could change him. At the same time, I see the power he has and the effect he could put on his community as he grows. I think about how often I'm told that trials make people stronger, but I want nothing more than to take this child out of the hungry, violent life so that he won't have to experience these anymore. I keep wondering if there is anything I can do but pray, and show him love once a week when we play together. But then, I was once told that the most powerful thing you can do for a person is to be on your knees for them.

Every year at orientation, the leaders express their hope that they will "ruin" us, that we will never be the same again. Last summer it happened, but in a very negative way. This summer, I feel different, and I wouldn't say I'm walking away with a grin, but I have certainly learned what poverty is and have a real passion to change things now.

Or However You Pronounce That...

You learn something new everyday. Today, I learned that my boss, whom I have known for over year, doesn't know how to pronounce my last name. He made this clear when he was giving a thank you speech to the volunteers and mentioned the interns by name, or at least, tried to. It's ok, I was entertained by it. Before that though, I had a great and very busy day. This week, in the mornings I'm helping create a library, and the afternoons I help a group of volunteers run a kids camp in Elaine. Today was particularly special because I'm almost done cataloguing and the bookshelf space we have available is nearly full. Even better, we had 50 kids come to camp today. This isn't as big a number as the 120 we serve in Helena, but we don't have as much space or as many volunteers so it's amazing what has happened.

The focus of this camp was to create Book Buddies. Its book shelf for the kids because statistics show that if children have a place to put their books it helps raise their literacy level.

We are also going to provide some books and a bible for the kids at the end of the week. What makes these shelves so much fun is that the kids get to help make them. On days one and two we sanded, and today we painted in several different bright colors. Some of the kids were happy with a solid color, but others added stripes or put their initials on. Before we work on the bookshelves, we have game time, bible story, and music. Well, the volunteer team didn't know the dance moves for one of the songs so I got to lead and look like a fool today. It really was a lot of fun though, and one of the other interns was there laughing at me the whole time. One of the volunteers got video so get excited if it shows up on facebook.

I still can't believe there's only one more day of ACC left, and 10 more days in Helena. I still don't know how to feel about this, and there's no time to actually sit down and think about it, but I know I'm going to miss this. I'm excited for the last week and being able to move slowly again and get a chance to focus, but I have always loved being busy.

Today was one of those days. But then, in Helena, every day is one of those days. To be honest, I love being here. Last summer I couldn't wait to leave and never come back, but this summer I feel like I just want to go home for a few days, then come right back to work. I keep thinking about something I heard once, that if you knew the plans God had for you, that you would never accept them. I used to think that wouldn't be true, that I would always be willing to do whatever, but this past year has taught me different. If I had known what these past two summers would have been like, even just a few years ago, I never would have considered it. Now, living through it, I can see the worth it has, and I know how much I will continue to learn once I leave. All the same, this was not the kind of plans I had for myself when I was younger.

My life plan is quickly changing, and I don't know how long it will be before it changes again, but I'm much more willing to open up to new possibilities. A few months ago, I was thinking about what I wanted to do after college, and decided I wanted to get my masters in library sciences right away. I began to research different graduate schools, but all I could think of was how lonely I was and just wanted someone to pull me with them somewhere. Well, I realized that just wasn't going to happen, so why regret waiting and why not just go crazy? I began to joke with myself about studying abroad, but it quickly became a reality to me. As I began looking into it, especially the money involved, it all seems to impossible, but the idea of staying in the U.S. just feels as if I'm limiting myself from something. I can't really describe the feeling, and I don't know where I want to go, but I want to leave at least for awhile. Perhaps I'm wrong though, maybe God is just pushing me to a different lifestyle within the U.S., but I know that the way I'm living now is getting me nowhere.

I haven't slept much lately, so maybe that's why this post is so random, this definitely wasn't what I was planning to write about, but it's all I can think about right now. Do I really want God to reveal His plan to me? Could I actually handle it? Perhaps yes, but more likely no. So, I guess it's back to never being ready for what's next. Of course, who cares if I'm ready? I'm not the one doing the work anyway, God is.

Pray For Helena

Sometime I forget why I'm in Helena. Yes, there is poverty, but sometimes I forget that means more than just not getting everything you want. Poverty means fear, anger, corruption, and doing everything you can to get ahead of the people around you. This summer, the school district was taken over by the state, the second time, for corruption in the school board. I learned a couple weeks ago that an entire 90% of hospital births here are to single mothers, and at one of the public housing departments here there is an entirety of two couples in the entire place, the rest are single parents. I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but this week has proved me wrong. Starting Monday, there was a shooting, and two young children were hit. One, a little girl, was killed and the little boy was hurt, but survived. It took a couple days, but those shooters were caught. A different group did another shooting last night, and a man was shot in the back and killed. There was another shooting this morning, and luckily no one was hurt, but the police dont know yet who has done those shootings, and I'm scared that they may continue. One of the local people here told me that there has only been such a series of shootings in three years, and that was because of gang things, but no one is yet sure why these are happening. The way things are going, the only thing I can ask is please, please pray for Helena. It's been raining all day, and as much as I'm sad that means we can't do any lessons at the pool, I'm praying that means the shooters will be discouraged from coming out any more.