I Will Praise You In This Storm

Last day of work in Helena today. Have I mentioned I don't want to go home? I'm gonna say it again: I do not want to leave. Unfortunately, that isn't really an option so I will instead enjoy my last weekend in Helena. Anyway, for the past 5 weeks, one of the interns has been training a swim team and we all went to Memphis today to do a meet at a YMCA. First we brought the kids to an Incredible Pizza with a huge buffet and all kinds of arcade games. They all disappeared as soon as we set them free, but I would randomly see a kid running by with a smile on his or her face so I think it worked out just fine. When we got ready to go, another intern and I put our tickets together with one of the children and ended up with over 780 tickets! It's strange how thrilled I would have been with that when I was child, but now it just makes me laugh.

Anyway, once we got all the kids rounded up we headed out to the Y for the meet. There was so much energy in the air and so many children! We got through one boys and one girls freestyle relay and won first in both of them! Unfortunately, after that, a storm began so we were sent it to wait it out. As we waited we prayed together and on our own, hoping for a chance to continue the meet. After the required half hour passed we gathered around the pool again and the storm began again. All the kids were really disappointed, but the song "Praise You in this Storm" kept popping in my head so I decided to accept and encourage the kids to celebrate the fun they had had thus far and be happy for what they had accomplished. I'm not saying it worked, but I really did try.

Overall it was an amazing day, and I'm glad I got to chance to just hang out with the kids all day long and help treat them to a day where they got to do things that wouldn't typically get to do. Perhaps it's better that we need to do a mini-meet in Helena now since we may be able to get more community involvement, or at least from parents. This was a wonderful end to my summer, even if I don't want it to be the end.

After writing very little these past couple of months, I am suddenly very much in the mood to blog as much as possible. Unfortunately, I have had the weekend off so there really isn't much to say about what's going on in Helena. Instead, you get to hear plans and questions of the future! Yay! Well, first off, I have only one week left in Helena. I'm not sure what all is planned except for sorting all the random things lying around from the ACC and packing them up for next year. Last summer we also spent some time prepping for Delta Christmas, so we may do that again. I'm really hoping I'll get a chance to go to Lakeview and Elaine again as well. I didn't get to finish cataloging my library in Elaine, but I did get a chance to teach the people who run it how to catalog, so at least I know it can be done. The center is finally coming together and I am so excited to come back next summer to see how it has progressed.

Which reminds me, I do have something to tell you! The mission project we were doing this past summer was to raise money for the Arkansas Rice Depot which runs a backpack program for kids to eat during the school year. They have promised that all the money we donate them will go directly to schools in Phillips County to feed the children here. Anyway, this program started because a nurse realized a lot of the children acting out in her school were doing so because they were hungry. With that story in mind, I've been working all summer with these children. Well, this past week, one of our most well-behaved children wasn't listening to anything we said. It's not that he was behaving badly, but when we asked everyone to sit he just stood there with a glazed look on his face. At first I thought it was just because of the heat, but things started to click in my head. He and his family get sick all the time. This summer and last there would be multiple times when he wouldn't come out to play because he was sick, or if he did come, he was sluggish and had glazed eyes. Also, he was one of the kids that always asked for an extra snack, even though he knew our policy was not to. I began to feel sick myself as I finally understood how much this child has gone through.

Even worse, this is the child that has been a huge influence on me the entire time I knew him. I mean it when I say this child is well-behaved. He is polite, loving, kind, and respectful. He is willing to stand up for God and doesn't allow anyone to mistreat others. Last summer, one of the kids stole our basketball, and the next time came we came, this child handed it over to us quietly before joining the others. In short, he is an amazing boy and I can't stand to think of the environment he lives in and how it could change him. At the same time, I see the power he has and the effect he could put on his community as he grows. I think about how often I'm told that trials make people stronger, but I want nothing more than to take this child out of the hungry, violent life so that he won't have to experience these anymore. I keep wondering if there is anything I can do but pray, and show him love once a week when we play together. But then, I was once told that the most powerful thing you can do for a person is to be on your knees for them.

Every year at orientation, the leaders express their hope that they will "ruin" us, that we will never be the same again. Last summer it happened, but in a very negative way. This summer, I feel different, and I wouldn't say I'm walking away with a grin, but I have certainly learned what poverty is and have a real passion to change things now.

Or However You Pronounce That...

You learn something new everyday. Today, I learned that my boss, whom I have known for over year, doesn't know how to pronounce my last name. He made this clear when he was giving a thank you speech to the volunteers and mentioned the interns by name, or at least, tried to. It's ok, I was entertained by it. Before that though, I had a great and very busy day. This week, in the mornings I'm helping create a library, and the afternoons I help a group of volunteers run a kids camp in Elaine. Today was particularly special because I'm almost done cataloguing and the bookshelf space we have available is nearly full. Even better, we had 50 kids come to camp today. This isn't as big a number as the 120 we serve in Helena, but we don't have as much space or as many volunteers so it's amazing what has happened.

The focus of this camp was to create Book Buddies. Its book shelf for the kids because statistics show that if children have a place to put their books it helps raise their literacy level.

We are also going to provide some books and a bible for the kids at the end of the week. What makes these shelves so much fun is that the kids get to help make them. On days one and two we sanded, and today we painted in several different bright colors. Some of the kids were happy with a solid color, but others added stripes or put their initials on. Before we work on the bookshelves, we have game time, bible story, and music. Well, the volunteer team didn't know the dance moves for one of the songs so I got to lead and look like a fool today. It really was a lot of fun though, and one of the other interns was there laughing at me the whole time. One of the volunteers got video so get excited if it shows up on facebook.

I still can't believe there's only one more day of ACC left, and 10 more days in Helena. I still don't know how to feel about this, and there's no time to actually sit down and think about it, but I know I'm going to miss this. I'm excited for the last week and being able to move slowly again and get a chance to focus, but I have always loved being busy.

Today was one of those days. But then, in Helena, every day is one of those days. To be honest, I love being here. Last summer I couldn't wait to leave and never come back, but this summer I feel like I just want to go home for a few days, then come right back to work. I keep thinking about something I heard once, that if you knew the plans God had for you, that you would never accept them. I used to think that wouldn't be true, that I would always be willing to do whatever, but this past year has taught me different. If I had known what these past two summers would have been like, even just a few years ago, I never would have considered it. Now, living through it, I can see the worth it has, and I know how much I will continue to learn once I leave. All the same, this was not the kind of plans I had for myself when I was younger.

My life plan is quickly changing, and I don't know how long it will be before it changes again, but I'm much more willing to open up to new possibilities. A few months ago, I was thinking about what I wanted to do after college, and decided I wanted to get my masters in library sciences right away. I began to research different graduate schools, but all I could think of was how lonely I was and just wanted someone to pull me with them somewhere. Well, I realized that just wasn't going to happen, so why regret waiting and why not just go crazy? I began to joke with myself about studying abroad, but it quickly became a reality to me. As I began looking into it, especially the money involved, it all seems to impossible, but the idea of staying in the U.S. just feels as if I'm limiting myself from something. I can't really describe the feeling, and I don't know where I want to go, but I want to leave at least for awhile. Perhaps I'm wrong though, maybe God is just pushing me to a different lifestyle within the U.S., but I know that the way I'm living now is getting me nowhere.

I haven't slept much lately, so maybe that's why this post is so random, this definitely wasn't what I was planning to write about, but it's all I can think about right now. Do I really want God to reveal His plan to me? Could I actually handle it? Perhaps yes, but more likely no. So, I guess it's back to never being ready for what's next. Of course, who cares if I'm ready? I'm not the one doing the work anyway, God is.

Pray For Helena

Sometime I forget why I'm in Helena. Yes, there is poverty, but sometimes I forget that means more than just not getting everything you want. Poverty means fear, anger, corruption, and doing everything you can to get ahead of the people around you. This summer, the school district was taken over by the state, the second time, for corruption in the school board. I learned a couple weeks ago that an entire 90% of hospital births here are to single mothers, and at one of the public housing departments here there is an entirety of two couples in the entire place, the rest are single parents. I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but this week has proved me wrong. Starting Monday, there was a shooting, and two young children were hit. One, a little girl, was killed and the little boy was hurt, but survived. It took a couple days, but those shooters were caught. A different group did another shooting last night, and a man was shot in the back and killed. There was another shooting this morning, and luckily no one was hurt, but the police dont know yet who has done those shootings, and I'm scared that they may continue. One of the local people here told me that there has only been such a series of shootings in three years, and that was because of gang things, but no one is yet sure why these are happening. The way things are going, the only thing I can ask is please, please pray for Helena. It's been raining all day, and as much as I'm sad that means we can't do any lessons at the pool, I'm praying that means the shooters will be discouraged from coming out any more.

Rough Day

Today was quite honestly a very rough day. All I want to do right now is whine and complain and blame everyone around me, but maybe if I type out mature thoughts then I'll change my mind. First off, communication is VERY important. Our team struggled today because of something that was either said or heard incorrectly a few weeks ago, and we are just now learning about it and very frustrated. No one is actually at fault in this, but it has set us back quite a bit. Also, different personality types need to be recognized and respected. I, personally, do not enjoy talking out ideas with people, I would rather write them down and work it out in my head before I share it, other people don't. I'm slowly accepting this and listening to people ramble on until they decide what to do, but sometimes I want to tell them to stop because I always assume that if you tell me something then it's ready to go, and it's not. Anyway, long day, but I am trying to learn to appreciate and respect my team as well as I can. I really do like all of them, I'm just learning how to work together in the best way possible.

Poverty

So it took me a summer and a half, but I'm finally beginning to understand poverty. Yay! Only, not. See, there isn't much in Lakeview, no grocery store, no school, nothing for the kids or adults to do except fish in the nearby lake. Anyway, I was really excited last year when they started a feeding program at the local abandoned elementary and I figured those kids would be ok and were really getting the nutrition they needed and I didn't have to worry about them. Well, last week we decided to go with the kids to the lunch to hang out with them some more. The entire meal consisted of a scoop of tuna salad, a slice of bread, a half-pint of milk, chips, and cookies. No fruit, no vegetables, not even a full size sandwich. The people in this program are doing what they to keep the kids fed and healthy, but when the poor give to the poor, only so much can be done. I was really discouraged when I realized how little these kids receive daily, especially since that will be the only meal some of those kids will get that day.

My epiphany was still developing until I stepped into the community center in Elaine. This building has been an on-going project by a local pastor that asked for our help in assisting the kids in his area and wants to run a community center out there. We've done everything we can to help while still allowing him to be in charge, but yet again, this man is just as poor as everyone else around. Plumbing was just completed in this building, and as soon as I stepped into the bathrooms I balked because they looked worse than most gas station bathrooms, but he was just so proud of them. To the pastor, this was a huge accomplishment of him giving to his community, but I've been so spoiled that my first thought was to turn my nose up at it. Most, if not all, of these children will never know the lifestyle I've lived, the choice the say no to food I don't like or even the ability to find a better bathroom. These people take what they have, and they're proud of it. I can't help but think of the woman who gave so little to the offering, but it was everything she had a was praised for it.

You know, that all sounds so nice, but there's a nasty side too. Because impoverished people often have no "things" to own, they instead own people. After the picnic last friday we hung out with one of the mothers that had come and her 5 year old son. We played with the little boy mostly and just acted silly with him. Kids camp starts at 6, so we asked how old he would be next year and he wasn't really sure so we tried counting with him and I'm not sure if he was just playing around or not, but he couldn't figure out what came after 5. At that point his mother started yelling at him, like seriously angry. I was shocked at her outburst and didn't know how to respond but the boy finally told us he would be 6 after a minute. What really got me though happened the next week. One of the people in Lakeview told me when you fight with one of his brothers, you fight with the whole family, which didn't mean much to me until he messaged me and told me he was fighting with one of the other kids there. When we went to Lakeview yesterday I was a little wary of what we would find, but everything seemed normal. That is, until, the 6 year old brother of the guy who told me about the fighting refused to go find the kid that his brother had been fighting with and invite him to play with us because he was mad at him. This boy was six, he had no reason to be mad at this other boy, it was simply because his brother told him that's the way it was. It's so frustrating that all these rules start at such a young age, and who knows whether this will all blow over, or if it could develop into a real feud that could prevent us from reaching all of these children. I still don't know where I stand with any of this, or what I'm learning, but I'm beginning to see things that I never noticed before.

Ok, so it's been awhile since I posted but I rarely have internet access when I'm not working, and I'm super busy. Not that I'm complaining, you all know how much I love being on the move. Anyway, this past week we did a lot more prep for the ACC, including the dreaded spreadsheets. Office work is usually fun for me, but so much editing has to be done and redone on those spreadsheets that after awhile I ready to delete them all and run. Oh well, week one chart is mostly done, just have to focus on week two.

Stories on Wheels started up again this past week and some of my favorite kids are still there, I'm so happy! A few have moved, but it happens. Anyway, we started in Lakeview, but didn't get to do much. We can't go there till mid-morning or none of the kids will be awake, and there is a free lunch program near-by at 11:00 so we only play for a little over an hour then hung out while they ate. After that we headed to Elaine for a meeting about getting the community center running there. We made plans to paint it, and did on Thursday, but the day before that was too crazy to start.

See, on Wednesday we had a volunteer youth group come in. 64 people, in tiny little Helena.

Thats all of them in the tiny little Eden Market. Oh my. Anyway, half the group stayed and picked weeds in the garden, and the other half came with me and one of the other interns to the community center in Helena to organize the Imagination Station, which hasn't been able to be used in over a year because of how messed up it was. We worked for about an hour then had to go to lunch, then sent the volunteers to the Boys and Girls club to play with the kids while we went back to the community center to keep working. Yeah, it took another day but we got it done. Beast. I wish I had a picture of how bad it looked when we got there, but think of a large pile of STUFF and not being able to touch the other wall suddenly becoming a neatly organized room with everything sorted in boxes on shelves. Ugh, I dont even know how much we threw away, but its beautiful now.

Friday was another fun day as we attended the Helena Public housing picnic. I stayed at the registration table being mobbed by small children while the other interns set up games while also being mobbed by small children. But, it was really fun in the end, and we got a lot of people to sign up for the swim lessons we'll be doing this summer.

Saturday was quite productive, too. The Helena Farmers Market is every Saturday during the summer, and this week the Delta Jewels were selling there and I helped supervise. We didn't get a lot of sales, but I got to hang out with the girls and try a sweet potato brownie! Yum! After that we had the regular Delta Jewels class. We continued sales that night at the new Second Saturday Art Walk in Helena, which was really awesome and our sales went a lot better. Anyway, I need some rest now, so have a good week all, sorry this post is so random.

Nearly three full days in Helena and I’m already exhausted, but thrilled I came back. The people of this county are something else, and I’m happy to be surrounded my so much history. As expected, nothing was as I expected, if you get what I mean. Helena is moving all around me and I never know where I’ll end up. I share a pretty decent apartment with two of the other interns and we’ve spent a lot of time getting that set up, and also prepping for the big ACC at the end of the summer. We had our fist community meeting yesterday and it didn’t get started right away, but we got a lot done and I’m excited to see how things will change this year around. Anyway, I don’t have internet at my apartment and I’m doing this at my supervisors house so it’s back to work!

Here We Go Again

For those who dont know, I'm going back to Helena this summer. I leave for Orientation tomorrow, and I'll be in Helena on Sunday. Hoping for a great summer!