Today was one of those days. But then, in Helena, every day is one of those days. To be honest, I love being here. Last summer I couldn't wait to leave and never come back, but this summer I feel like I just want to go home for a few days, then come right back to work. I keep thinking about something I heard once, that if you knew the plans God had for you, that you would never accept them. I used to think that wouldn't be true, that I would always be willing to do whatever, but this past year has taught me different. If I had known what these past two summers would have been like, even just a few years ago, I never would have considered it. Now, living through it, I can see the worth it has, and I know how much I will continue to learn once I leave. All the same, this was not the kind of plans I had for myself when I was younger.

My life plan is quickly changing, and I don't know how long it will be before it changes again, but I'm much more willing to open up to new possibilities. A few months ago, I was thinking about what I wanted to do after college, and decided I wanted to get my masters in library sciences right away. I began to research different graduate schools, but all I could think of was how lonely I was and just wanted someone to pull me with them somewhere. Well, I realized that just wasn't going to happen, so why regret waiting and why not just go crazy? I began to joke with myself about studying abroad, but it quickly became a reality to me. As I began looking into it, especially the money involved, it all seems to impossible, but the idea of staying in the U.S. just feels as if I'm limiting myself from something. I can't really describe the feeling, and I don't know where I want to go, but I want to leave at least for awhile. Perhaps I'm wrong though, maybe God is just pushing me to a different lifestyle within the U.S., but I know that the way I'm living now is getting me nowhere.

I haven't slept much lately, so maybe that's why this post is so random, this definitely wasn't what I was planning to write about, but it's all I can think about right now. Do I really want God to reveal His plan to me? Could I actually handle it? Perhaps yes, but more likely no. So, I guess it's back to never being ready for what's next. Of course, who cares if I'm ready? I'm not the one doing the work anyway, God is.